Parent Life · Uncategorized

The Intimacy Factor

As a parent we all want to keep the fire alive in our relationship with our partner once that little bundle of joy enters your life.  How do we do that….Now I hope you are not expecting the secret to a successful jiggy jiggy life while having child, can’t have it all ladies and gentlemen.  Enter…. The Intimacy Factor post child. Let us start at the beginning. You get home from hospital and no matter how that kid came out, you don’t want anyone near you ever again, this is made very clear to the other half who proceeds to look at you like Shrek’s Puss n Boots…you can see the despair n his eyes as the reality sets in that he may not be getting any loving in the near future. You are just glad you have a reason to say no that he can’t argue with, all the pain was worth it. This grace period of using that as a reason does eventually wear off unfortunately… this is when he perks up like a meercat with a sparkle in his eye and a hop in his step. He knows that maybe one day, in the near future, he just may be getting some action. Enter the seductive dance.

Now ladies and gentleman we have all witnessed that moment, where you have given them an inch of hope, that there may be a chance….giphy

So as he stands there in all his glory of boxer shorts and ever so sexy socks, he starts to try and impress you with his Magic Mike moves, sorry but there is no Channing Tantum in sight…sigh…but ya gotta gives him points for trying. As this seductive dance continues, the smile on his face grows more and more. He proceeds to take of his socks, oi oi, pulling out the big guns, he’s making it special. No matter how chilly it is, he’s taking off those socks to show you how much he really loves you and to let you know he is gonna blow your mind.  All the while you are sat on the bed in your chequered baggy pj’s, oversized jumper, fluffy bed socks and greasy hair tied back, looking at him all like, move along, we don’t have time for all this, she might wake up.


While you sit on that bed, looking like a bag lady, to him you look like Cindy Crawford, he’ll say anything at this point to up his chances. While he’s dancing around the room like an excited puppy,  you’re just thinking about how cold the sheets will be on your bare butt, but you’ve let it go this far, no going back now. So you allow the ‘cuddling’ to happen and all the time you are praying…please don’t wake the baby…Now I’m not going to go into detail, we all know what happens when Don Juan comes a visiting. Once he has rocked your world, the only decision is how long do we have to hold each, whispering sweet nothings to each other before falling asleep…not in this house…he’s off to the spare room to get a good night’s sleep,  it’s his turn to try and get a full night of uninterrupted pleasure while I deal with Riley when she wakes up screaming in the middle of the night. Who said my man doesn’t know how to woo his woman.


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