Parent Life · Uncategorized

The Lonely Mums Club

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When becoming pregnant I had no idea what that actually meant from a social point of view. I knew I wouldn’t obviously be out drinking and partying, but I never realised how much of an outsider I would actually become. It almost felt like what use are you to people if you can’t go out and drink. Once you have the baby, it gets a lot worse. Enter the lonely mums club. Once having a child I felt extremely isolated, not many came knocking on my door for cups of coffee or to meet my child. All of a sudden it is you and a baby, a baby that you really don’t know how to handle. So as I took care of her, I realise that you don’t actually take care of yourself. The more alone you become, the harder it becomes to actually go and visit places. Leaving the house becomes very difficult. I guess I had no idea how much my life would change when I had a child. I believed, as naive as I was, I would all of a sudden meet other mums and we’d all hang out, have coffee, take it in turns at each other’s houses and watch our children play. That was not quite how it went, the closest I got was watching the Housewives of Beverly Hills, that’s the same right, you have coffee when they do. Oh it gets sadder, I then realised that the closest relationship I had was with my phone, and yes social media became my best friend.  You spend as much time as possible on it and every notification is like a friend saying hello. I lived on facebook, twitter and instagram. I’m sure people probably stopped following me, wouldn’t blame them. I mean how pictures of Riley did they really want to see. For me though it was my saving grace and made me feel a little bit like part of society. I felt sorry for my partner as he was really my main contact with a human. My poor partner would walk through the door after work and I would bombard him with conversation, all he wanted was to not speak after a day of speaking, but he was good about it. While he tried, he is not one for chatting.

The strange thing about this feeling is it is extremely common. I don’t understand why groups of stay at home mums don’t make more of an effort to actually get together. I don’t understand why your friends who don’t have babies or have older children almost find you irrelevant. I don’t understand that when you do go to places like playgroup, you are treated like some kind of leper, not to be accepted until you pass a certain time frame and they decide whether you are worthy or not. It is all bullshit. You go through all this while millions of hormones are racing through you, so you are not the most rational person, which doesn’t help, things get to you more. So to all those people who think they are too busy, but not too busy to meet other friends, make the effort.  If you do know someone who has had a child and you haven’t been quite as present as you once were, pick up the phone, make a date, it would mean the world to them. It could be the difference between them spending the day in tears or not. I myself now live in a different place and glad to say things have now changed and I love it, I see people every week now. While it is great now it took what felt like an eternity to get there. I myself will have to take my own advice and should one of my friends become pregnant, make sure I make an effort. I was probably guilty of it myself once, but now I can say I know better.

 

 

 

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9 thoughts on “The Lonely Mums Club

  1. My other half often says that since our children were born that her social circles have shortened. Her mummy friends are just as tired as her and her friends that are parents seem to have their own new little gang. Playgroups are definitely the way to go, providing the group’s of mum’s or dad’s are welcoming.

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  2. Yes, indeed. My job is my best friend so I understand what you mean. Not so much that I’m on social media, but all I do is work. I had my one and only child at 16. I vowed that I would not have another unless I was married. I’m still single and I have one child. It is a HUGE responsibility if you plan on really raising a productive child into a thriving adult. I don’t think many get it. Had it not been for my mother, I would have been all alone when it came to my child. I didn’t have those friends I could call to babysit. Besides, I wasn’t raised that way. You had a child, you took care of your child. Momma RARELY sat so I could out and have a good time so I missed out on a lot of fun for many years. Blessings to you and yours.

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  3. My Isla is now three, but when she was just born my health visitor shoved us out my front door to a baby group. It was awkward at first but I made two really good mum friends. I’ve since moved away with my family, and Isla (at nursery) now has a better social life than I do. I miss my real friends every day, but FB helps. Hi.

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  4. When I had my kids, I met quite a few moms from daycare but I can see how things can get lonely. I would actually take my kids to Central Park or around NYC and they were my source of entertainment. I actually focused on them so much that I didn’t get that lonely feeling. But I can see how that can happen. Glad you’re in a better place now.

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  5. I’m sure I had postpartum depression after my first was born. I also had a bit of an identity crisis….I got laid off two weeks after I went back to work after maternity leave….then we moved and my husband started traveling overseas for work. I was incredibly depressed and unsure of how to spend my days. I went from having a good corporate job, living in a familiar place to no job and a new area. I was desperate. I made making mom friends a priority because I didn’t have a clue what I was doing and the lack of sleep and adult companionship was doing me in. I found a mom’s club and it saved my life. I still have two friends from that time and my kids are now 12 & 14. Keep trying even if it sucks in the beginning. Love from across the pond.

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  6. Hi mums out there! And hey, Lorraine! Well, Im not a mom here, not yet (I hope soon, lol). But am married to my man. I can relate to you about in need of going out and make friends out there, especially with people that you think are like-minded ones. As months go by ever since I got here in US, I started feeling that way. Still trying to fight making my so-called friends here, but yes, I found it hard to find. I stil have friends from my home country that I left, that I hope will not forget me.

    Not sure if I can blame the location, or shall I just need to understand that social media is really dividing people unintentionally, I don’t know. But…I ain’t hopeless to make friends, either in real life or here in this freakin’ world wide web. Maybe blogging is a good way to make friends nowadays, how’s that?! 😀

    -Gerome of G&D Blog
    http://www.gdblog.net

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