When becoming pregnant I had no idea what that actually meant from a social point of view. I knew I wouldn’t obviously be out drinking and partying, but I never realised how much of an outsider I would actually become. It almost felt like what use are you to people if you can’t go out and drink. Once you have the baby, it gets a lot worse. Enter the lonely mums club. Once having a child I felt extremely isolated, not many came knocking on my door for cups of coffee or to meet my child. All of a sudden it is you and a baby, a baby that you really don’t know how to handle. So as I took care of her, I realise that you don’t actually take care of yourself. The more alone you become, the harder it becomes to actually go and visit places. Leaving the house becomes very difficult. I guess I had no idea how much my life would change when I had a child. I believed, as naive as I was, I would all of a sudden meet other mums and we’d all hang out, have coffee, take it in turns at each other’s houses and watch our children play. That was not quite how it went, the closest I got was watching the Housewives of Beverly Hills, that’s the same right, you have coffee when they do. Oh it gets sadder, I then realised that the closest relationship I had was with my phone, and yes social media became my best friend. You spend as much time as possible on it and every notification is like a friend saying hello. I lived on facebook, twitter and instagram. I’m sure people probably stopped following me, wouldn’t blame them. I mean how pictures of Riley did they really want to see. For me though it was my saving grace and made me feel a little bit like part of society. I felt sorry for my partner as he was really my main contact with a human. My poor partner would walk through the door after work and I would bombard him with conversation, all he wanted was to not speak after a day of speaking, but he was good about it. While he tried, he is not one for chatting.
The strange thing about this feeling is it is extremely common. I don’t understand why groups of stay at home mums don’t make more of an effort to actually get together. I don’t understand why your friends who don’t have babies or have older children almost find you irrelevant. I don’t understand that when you do go to places like playgroup, you are treated like some kind of leper, not to be accepted until you pass a certain time frame and they decide whether you are worthy or not. It is all bullshit. You go through all this while millions of hormones are racing through you, so you are not the most rational person, which doesn’t help, things get to you more. So to all those people who think they are too busy, but not too busy to meet other friends, make the effort. If you do know someone who has had a child and you haven’t been quite as present as you once were, pick up the phone, make a date, it would mean the world to them. It could be the difference between them spending the day in tears or not. I myself now live in a different place and glad to say things have now changed and I love it, I see people every week now. While it is great now it took what felt like an eternity to get there. I myself will have to take my own advice and should one of my friends become pregnant, make sure I make an effort. I was probably guilty of it myself once, but now I can say I know better.