I recently had a conversation about what I was and wasn’t going to do with my child before she came in to this world. I pretty much went against everything I said I wasn’t going to do. When pregnant I sat for many a day planning what kind of mother I’d be, I’d almost say I was slightly arrogant about how I was going to be. I was one of those really stupid people who would say certain things to actual parents that now make me cringe. I mean how much of a dick must you be when you have absolutely no experience with children, when I say none I mean none and yet I bloody knew it all. As I said the things I would never do, I actually believed it, parents would laugh, and I would think I’ll show you. What did I show them, feck all, all I showed them was what a moron I was. I’m sure as time goes by future parents will say the same to me and I’ll laugh inside and maybe sometimes on the outside. So here is a list of the things I said I’d never do.
This was a major one, Peppa Pig, Peppa f&*king Pig, what a little bitch she turned out to be. I remember having many conversations about how my child would never watch Peppa Pig. I had a conversation with a few people about it but the one I remember was with an old boss, he explained that I will let her watch it as I crave a minutes peace. As time progressed and she was getting a bit rowdy, I remembered what people had told me about Peppa Pig, you’ll get some peace they said, you’ll be able to get things done they said. I thought about it and then said one episode wouldn’t hurt. Well fast forward to a year later and she bloody loves that pig.
I was not going to use a dummy and the first sign of wailing and I stuck a dummy in her mouth. Some people don’t use a dummy and then there are the ones who don’t use a dummy, you know the ones, the ones that look at you like you in such a disapproving manner. The worst thing is you find yourself trying to justify to some over judgemental biatch why you use a dummy. Lucky for me when Riley was one we cut her off cold turkey and she didn’t flinch, so I collected up all the dummies and binned them, or so I thought. About 2 weeks later she spotted one under the bed, full of dust and dirt and in the mouth it went, I just took her off her and she went about her day. So about the dummy, use the dummy, don’t use the dummy, do what ya gotta do.
When it came to food I was going to make all things fresh and no processed foods. Bahahahahaha. I’m confused as to why I believed my child would just sit and eat all this amazing fresh food I was going to make, I mean I was a complete and utter nightmare as a child. The fish fingers, chicken fingers and pre-made meals have been purchased on more than fifty occasions. She doesn’t really have too much in the ways of chocolate though. When mentioning to a mother that I have let her have chocolate I was met with disgust, this made me chuckle. The fact I can actually remember how much chocolate she has actually had in her life, I think she’ll be fine. Now she is just so fussy, I give her what I know she’ll eat and put little extras on in hope she’ll eat them.
Let her cry
Yes I was not going to bow to her every tear. When looking at a little baby, your baby and they are upset, how can you leave them. I did bow to every tear for a certain amount of time. I just couldn’t leave her when she cried, I was there to keep her happy and if that meant cuddling her when she cried then that was what I was going to do. These days it is a little bit different. When she starts and I know she is just pissed off because she wants her own way I just leave her to it. When she is hurt or sleepy and upset and just needs some comfort, I am all over that.
Let her sleep in my bed
Riley pretty much ends up in my bed every night, if she wakes during the night I am too tired to try anything but pick her up, I bring her to my bed and pray she goes back to sleep. It’s not as bad as it once was, but I probably share a bed with my partner twice a month and that never even lasts the whole night. When Riley wakes up, one of us goes in to the spare room. I’ll be honest, it’s nice having her in bed with me when she sleeps, I love waking up and seeing her lovely face. Buuuuuut, when she gets in the bed and flops around like a walrus, kicking you in the head and pushing you out of the bed, I may not enjoy seeing her face as much.
Snacks as a way of keeping her quiet
Yes I am so guilty of this, in a supermarket and she is screaming the place down, give her a snack. Meet a friend in town for a coffee, she wants to run around, give her a snack. You are at home and just want 5 minutes for a coffee, give her a snack. You want to wash up, give her a snack and put on Peppa Pig, double whammy.
Post endless pictures of my child
You know what this one I said I wouldn’t do, but I do and you know what, I don’t care. When I hear people moan about what others put on their social media pages I feel like yelling at them ‘stop following them then’. I have on occasion informed them this is an option. If people don’t like what I put up, unfollow me, it really is that easy, honestly it is just a one click away….click…done. I have unfollowed people on facebook, do they know, no, well apart from my mum, sorry mum lol. So I will continue to post pictures of my beautiful girl, some love it.
Go multiple days without showering
Yes I have done this, I have gone 4 days without showering and I may not have changed my clothes either. I actually have no shame in this one, when the tiredness takes over it is just way too much effort. Anyway what are hair ties for? On the plus side when you do have that shower it is amazing, you feel extra clean.
Call my partner daddy
Well this actually is a joint effort with another thing I said I’d never to. We now refer to each other on occasion as Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig from that wonderful children’s programme, Peppa Pig. My partner even went as far to use these names in a birthday card. I just worry I’ll start calling him daddy pig when Riley isn’t even in the room.
Change my birth plan
Well this one is my favourite, I was basically going to walk in and cough and out she pop. I would flick back my hair and look amazing. The main thing I swore was not to have an epidural. Labour started on the Saturday, I was in hospital on Monday and by Thursday I was begging for an epidural. Everything I thought about birth was the complete opposite. You have no control over it and basically you would sell your soul to the devil for drugs.
In a nutshell cut yourself some slack if you aren’t the perfect parent you planned to be. At the end of the day as long as your kids are fed, clothed and happy then who cares if they watch Peppa Pig while sucking on a dummy. Most people are doing a great job despite doing all those things they swore they’d never do.