Before having a child the thought of being puked on made me want to puke, enter Riley. Now don’t get me wrong I do not encourage the act of puking for any reason, well unless you’re severely hungover. It is always acceptable to have a quick chunder to ease the pain of the night before. Don’t judge me, we’ve all been there. So as the eve of Sunday night drew closer, I had visions of me lying in my bed recovering from the night before of endless amounts of booze followed by some pole dancing. From the top of the house I begin to hear the faint cries of Riley, I leave it for a second to see if she settles, she does not. As the cries grow louder I realise that my early night may have to wait, just a little while but I can still see it in the very short distance. As I comfort Riley I begin to realise that there is no calming this one down, we are going to be here a while.
As the screams get louder I hand Riley to my partner, see what luck he has. As we both begin to realise none of our usual methods for calming her are going to work, I hear a bizarre sound come from the mouth of my other half. I’ve never heard this sound before, as the sound progressed I could hear vomiting from Riley, the sound from my partner was the sound of shock from the vomit entering his mouth. I love my child, but that is bloody gross. As we begin to get the mess cleaned up we realise that it is worse than we thought. My bed is now destroyed, my partner is destroyed, and Riley is destroyed so in the shower they go, no time for a bath. The screams from Riley only grow as we try and rinse the vomit out of her hair. All cleaned up, new clothes and a towel for her to lie on she starts to cry again, we are going for round 2, vomit central. Clean her up, new towel down and all is good. Alas she is not done, round 3. What is that warm liquid feeling going down my front, it was so gross, woman down, I’ve been hit. As I get in to the shower we change everything again. By the end of the night we had used every towel, duvet cover, pillow case and sheet going. I even dried myself from the shower with a vomit towel, it was too late when I realised and at this stage I didn’t care. Finally by 1 am I finally get her down in my unmade bed. As she lays there sound asleep across the bed, I finally get to have my 5 hours before the alarms go off. I sleep across the bed and even in my hobbit stature I am too long, but at this stage I do not care.
As I have spoken about this I am met with comments such as ‘eeww I’m never having kids’ or ‘so disgusting’. You know what, it was so gross. The thing is you don’t care, all you care about is making them feel better. When your child is sick every hang up you have goes out the window, all that matters is you care for them and comfort them. As much as I do not want my child to vomit on every piece of material in the house, I am just glad that when she did she had me her dad and I to sit and care for her.