At this moment in time I probably shouldn’t be writing this, I mean it’s been 3 days of no sleep and 2 ½ years of interrupted sleep. At around 4 am I am watching Paw Patrol, the only thing that would stop my toddler from crying, I think to myself….how the f*&k did I end up here! I’m forty bloody four and feeling like I’m definitely too old to deal with this kind of bullshit at this stage in my life. I know it’s my own fault for having a child so late but, that kind of dumb ass statements I hear from people makes me wanna punch you in the face.
As I lay here with snot running down my nose from a 3 week cold, a growth the size of California on my lip and a face that would give the zombies a run for their money, I wonder how I am going to get through this. Well I’ll tell you how, you just bloody have to! Now I’m very much aware that this post is the mother of all rants, but I’ve had so much time to just sit and think. As I lay trying to sooth my child you are filled with a mixture of emotions. You want to make her feel better and you do this by assuring her, stroking her back, telling her it’s OK and giving her cuddles. Inside you are screaming from the rooftops ‘will you just shut the fuck up’. I always wonder when I meet those calm and collected mums do they do the same????? See that’s the thing about having a kid, you constantly doubt yourself everyday, you feel guilty everyday and you wonder how much are fucking up their life everyday. You sit and take time for yourself by giving her chocolate to shut her up, you feel guilty. Being a mum is just one giant ass guilt trip.
Let’s look at it from another point and try and think of it this way. For 9 months you basically give up your life to make sure you can be the best host for the alien inside you. After the 9 months you either have your vagina ripped apart or your stomach sliced open to have this little bundle of joy. You do all this while having no sleep, no energy and more hormones than a horny 14 year old boy on PE day. We feed them, we don’t sleep for them, we care for them, we kiss the owies, play with them, wipe the snot, clean the poop and so on. We get judged for what we do, we get judged for what we don’t do. We want to stay home and mind our child, we want to work, we have to justify both. We take our time to lose the baby weight, we lose it to quick. We don’t make much of an effort, how do we have the time to make such an effort with a child. As mothers we can never win, even from other mothers. We have to constantly explain our actions. So here I am in all my glory, this is what I look like as a mother. I call this look a look of success. I have had no sleep and I will still get up and do the housework, clean myself up, do a food shop, entertain visitors for the weekend, go to a Halloween party, work from home tomorrow and prepare for the week ahead all while taking care of a poorly toddler. That is what mothers do.
So when you feel the need to come out with some stupid statement, or when you need to judge a mother for her choices….maybe think to yourself, she is doing all she does on no sleep or very little, maybe I’ll keep my dumb ass comments to myself!
I’ll leave you with my all time favourite that I hear from multiple people.
When you tell them you don’t get sleep….
That’s not good, you need sleep, you need to make time for sleep, its not good for your health…you need to get your child into a routine and not let her keep you up.
Really, what a revelation!!! Problem solved. I’ll just have a chat to my toddler and see is she on board.
And just to round off my lovely night I go to the bathroom and this happens.
And then this happens…as Riley likes to say ‘see, it’s not so bad’. She drives me nuts but I fricking adore her!
And to all the mums out there, you’re doing a great job!